Tweet This book review is part of a series that covers the topic of Communication Skills, the tools and methods to enhance the efficiency and effectiveness of an exchange of information, as by speech, signals, writing, or behavior. The Communications Skills Book is a valuable resource for people interested in Communication Skillsand it is available through Amazon.
Clicking the buy button will take you to the books page at www. Available on all amazon stores. The brief guide to I-messages post is now available.
How to get your message across respectfully We have all done it. Lost our cool in the heat of the moment and said something that we later regretted. The tool to overcome this is I-messages. It gets the message across about how you feel and what behaviour made you feel that way. All this without sounding like you are blaming them.
I-messages are a simple way to communicate in any situation. But do not confuse simple with easy. It takes skill and practice. I-messages I-messages provide feedback safely, as they avoid putdowns, judgement or assigning blame.
There are three types of information when providing effective feedback to someone about their behaviour. A description of the behaviour is necessary to inform the person what the problem is. This should always be included in the message otherwise they will not know what behaviour to change.
Including either of the other two types how it makes you feel and what the effect is will normally be sufficient to communicate the problem effectively. The speaker owns their feelings without coming across as judging the person.
It promotes a willingness to exchange information, find a solution and to seek a constructive change in the situation. Rarely does this make matters worse.
I-messages are delivered by saying: I feel angry when people call me names. I feel hurt when no one asks what I want to do.
I feel suspicious when someone tells me one thing, then I find out they are doing another. Download this information about I-messages. This document is released under a creative commons licence.
See document for details. It can also hold others responsible for the feelings of the speaker as well as include putdowns. It causes feelings in the receiver that can make them defensive or start making excuses. All of this can make the situation worse. The examples of the I-messages above have been turned into You-message to show this: I feel angry when you call me names.
Therefore, the I feel … when you … message needs to be treated as a You-message and avoided. By using a generic term with an I-message, others are more likely to listen to your entire message and willingly change their behaviour.
You will normally feel the same no matter who is using that specific behaviour. So you do not have to single them out.
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Messages is the most complete and accessible guide for building communication skills available. And now it's even better. The current edition has chapters on influencing others, culture and gender, and interviewing.
The chapter on listening now includes reciprocal listening for couples. Fair. As a counselor I often use this book to help clients understand and develop communication skills.
Messages provides a comprehensive overview and is well written. Lack of depth at times leaves the reader wishing for more, but that is a virtue in introductory initiativeblog.coms: 2.
Buy the Paperback Book Messages by Matthew Mckay at initiativeblog.com, Canada's largest bookstore. + Get Free Shipping on Health and Well Being books over $25!